Musing Around

Well, I'm pretty quiet tonight after getting back from LAST night with Sandra (till parents weekend... oct 31st). We saw CAMP, and she gave me my grad party gift. Currently, 2 things are on my mind *from a cultural standpoint*:CAMP, and Story of B.CAMP: was filmed at Stagedoor Manor, and it was this un-fuzzy yet VERY superficial movie about drama-y kids. And not even the pierced/pissed ones. It was so weird-- the movie had qualms with who it wanted to focus on (or the plot did. whatever.) There was VLAD, the Risto-esque OCD prozac junkie. Risto-esque meaning blonde/jocke-ish/looks perfect on the outside. And there was MIKE, the biracial gay drag queen... who had a huge crush on VLAD. Now, you would think an indie movie about a drama camp would not focus on an aryan poster boy. I'm having issues with it for that very reason. So much about the movie was unresolved. When I first saw the trailer, I assumed it was a queer flick, not even associating CAMP with, well, camp... shows you how far away my mind is...

CDs of the Summer

Inspired by getupkids' entry about DC v BE, I decided to do a little music musing of my own. The following is a non-chronological (logical by genre) listing of the cds I have purchased since graduating high school:1. Carole King ~ Tapestry (purchased after catching a random 4am showing of Slums of Beverly Hills on AMC and hearing *Natasha Lyonne* tell Marisa Tomei that she had the new Carole King album. I'd been ping-ponging the idea for a few years, so it was time. And it was an awesome purchase. A cross between Joni Mitchell and Judy Collins.)2. Leonard Cohen ~ The Best Of (haven't listened to this cd THAT much yet, but I like Judy's rendition of Suzanne better.)3. The Sundays ~ Blind (sweet folkrock. There's even a baby on the album cover. VERY mellow. It's in my case between Lisa Loeb and Joan Osborne. Take of that what you will.)4. The Children's Hour ~ SOS JFK (FOLK. With the la las and the repetitive and the lyrical. Listen to at risk of wanting to crochet something.) 5. Owl and the Pussycat ~ self titled (A must for fans of Elliott Smith and KRS. Hurray for modern mellow. Although the person who suggested O & P also suggested Modest Mouse. And that cd was a disaster. Apparently, the other MM cds are better. But THIS cd was a sound investment. No pun intended.)6. Belle and Sebastian~ Lazy Line Painter Jane (maybe I was nonplussed because I already had the other B&S staples. There are many good songs on the three CDs, but I'd really push someone in the direction of *Fold your Hands, Child* or *If You're Feeling Sinister* before this set. Unless you have a fetish for 4 track LPS.) 7. The New Pornographers ~ Electric Version (YAY for pop sensibility. Note: pop here does NOT refer to your run of the mill MTVness. This pop just means pep. It's not quiet ambiance music by any means, but it's crucial.)8. The Smiths ~ Best..I (Buy Best II. Nuff said.)9. The Flaming Lips ~ The Soft Bulletin (SO incredible. May even be more incredible than Yoshimi. Not overrated at all.)10. Yo La Tengo ~ And then nothing turned itself inside out (Techno/Ambient/SLOW sensibilities. The guy at Cutler's told me to buy it... he said he listened to it for about 6 months when he was depressed. I can't pass judgement on it yet.)11. Wilco ~ Yankee Foxtrot Hotel (BUY THIS CD. It's not country, folk, rock, metal, techno.... it's just brilliant. Possibility the best CD I own. Easily in the top 5 CDs I bought this summer.) 12. Britta Phillips & Dean Wareham ~ L'Avventura (think Lou Reed's voice with sparkles, singing ditty lovesongs. It works.)13. Radiohead ~ Hail to the Thief (also in the top 5. Hail to the Thief and OK Computer are very similar, especially on a quality basis. I don't own Bends or Pablo Honey so I don't know how they compare.)14. Band of Bees ~ Sunlight Hit Me (very fun miscellany. Buy it if you like Beta Band, Soul Coughing, or Cornershop. Or other bands that fall under the miscellaneous/progressive genre... I'd lump Radiohead, Air, and Bjork there, too.)15. The Shins ~ Oh Inverted World (geek Rawk. Sounds like Fountains of Wayne/Ben Kweller/Supergrass/Ben Folds Five.)16. The Postal Service ~ Give Up (lyrical geek rawk. with a tech edge.)17. Weezer ~ the blue album (waited a very long time to get this album. The wait was worth it. Also in the top Five.)18. Arap Strap ~ Monday at the Hug & Pint (Bright Eyes sound-alike, and Conor Oberst is credited on this album. Name came from B & S, though. Proceed with caution.)19. Interpol ~ Turn on the Bright Lights (lump this with Cure, Psychedelic Furs, and Pulp. I should. But there's also this 'emo' sentiment. Altogether makes me think of the 80s. But not in a BAD way.)20. Bright Eyes ~ Lifted (first thought it was Music to Die By, but on further listening, decided not to get rid of it. It stares at me from the back of my CD case, daring me to try and get over the fact that Oberst can't sing.)21. Henry Miller Memorial Library Slam (YAY for SLAM)22. Counting Crows ~ August and Everything After (the jury's still out on whether *Recovering the Satellites* is better. This is a good album.)Any input? Think buying 22 CDs in the course of 9 weeks is a sick, sick thing?Well................

"triumphant" return to the real world

The big return from California today. I can honestly say that was an excellent vacation. Excellent in the sense that it wasn't relaxing at all, and we did so much... overcompensating for the sloth that was this summer, I guess :grin: no... no... we just WENT places and SAW nature. I never see nature. Trees are great...just perfect. If ever I decide to give up and become an introvert, I hope to be reincarnated as a tree. Which brings me to a low point: I am rapidly becoming paranoid that I am wishy-washy. The alarm was the Monterey Slam.... in the past year, I've experienced an amazing lack of focus. Now there were many different circumstances leading up to the lack in my performance... I'd just written the poem that day, hadn't performed since June, did it spontaneously (have hardly done anything spontaneous this summer, despite popular belief). I don't know how to hold a microphone. This is a much-needed skill. And of course, my father was there in the front row. And nothing is good enough for my father. I don't like giving compliments much... I like to think that my standards are so high that very few could reach it, and simultaneously I fear seeming insincere. My father is VERY insincere. The tipping point may have been in April when JnJ met my dad at Penn Station and told me afterwards "He was horrible-- I don't know how you could stand it. He doesn't listen to what anyone else says." It made me mad at J but also re-think my father. I've had serious issues with the guy since... oh... 7th grade? Partially because he's out of touch with the real world and partially because he has no interest in touching base. When you have two parents who are like yin and yang living together in the same house, it's SO MUCH EASIER to just side with the way one of them lives than try to create your own ideology in the middle. Then, stuff begins to change:Obviously, I'm going to college in a week. Not so obviously, my parents are considering a move to Singapore. I feel very strange about this, but liberated, in a way. In 'honor' of the topic, I got a laptop. As much as I want to be my own person, I like having someone whose approval I can seek out. That will be different without a mother in the same country, though it was different this summer because I was out of the house so much and not on my parents' billfold. But the slam, and the ensuing paranoia:Everything I do is unfocused. My walking is not focused. My music taste is not focused. My parking is crooked. I am unable to draw/cut/measure in a straight line. Sitting there, listening to the other slammers' incredibly succinct lines, then later listening to the HMML recording, I realize that I'm definitely NOT where I need to be. Why is it so difficult for me to write on-topic for 3 minutes?? True, I used to hate this concept of focus, outlining, order. I like making connections. But not the shortest distance from A to B. Junior year, I really liked the idea that I disliked conclusions. Now I'm realizing what a major error that is/was. I want to be good at writing.... to prove that yeah, that's my shtick. I also want to do many other things, but I don't want to end up as one of those just-journalers. Looking forward to scoping the scene in Cambridge and hopefully find a mentor of some sort. Getting published would rule. The other night when I couldn't sleep (prior to California), I reread the signatures in my yearbook... they were all re-iterations of the same thing, encouraging me to go on with my writing, and all the other nice intimate familiarities of yearbookness. But it's an added pressure. I want to rise above and show these people that I AM good enough. I don't know where I want my art to go, but it's irritating that my mom doesn't want me to take my portfolio to college and my dad tries to give me editing advice about my poetry. Yes, I am going to a women's college to get away from men. Specifically, the men in my family. They're grumpy selfish curmudgeons, and... it's just.... messed up. Maybe the 100% female ratio will be messed up, too. Maybe I'll transfer to Columbia and do the dual C/JTS program. Probably not, probably I'll stick it out. I like Wellesley a lot. Especially the idea of it, and the solidarity. One week to go, then past the point of no return.

Choking my chicken (At the rubber chicken poetry slam)

Hello from California! (sunny albeit chilly, as I've been telling everyone this whole stint). This family vacance has been a very nice one although not SO dynamic. Or.. well.. maybe suburbia and subpar hotels are not for me. I like being wined and dined in Manhattan at the Rihga Royale, Michelangelo, Sheraton... and I'll EVEN admit it. Anyway, I could go thru a laundry list of things I've done and seen (which I'll do at a later time, of course. As Proust dictates, everything is better in Retrospect.) Just a few to whet the palate: met a Wellesley sister (Tammy!) and hung around San Jose, saw Aida, went to San Francisco MOCA.. ate some Dim Sum. And oh, my friends, how the list doth go on. But the COOLEST.. HIPPEST...MOST INCREDIBLE thing happened today. We visited Big Sur, California. And I know you're thinking one of two things:a. what the he-y is that?b. what the he-y is that and why should I give a flying...?Ok. Henry Miller Memorial Library. AKA Hippies. AKA POETRY SLAM in Monterey California. (Poetry Slam being operative phrase). Which brings me to the Rubber Chicken Poetry Slam, suggested by the guy -Ted- who ran the HMML. This is something to add to my resume as my first COMMUNITY poetry slam (ie without my peers or anyone really backing me.). It's also REALLY important, because it marks my first (and only?) poem of the summer. Or, I might have written a couple earlier on, but this COUNTS as a real Ashira slammable poem. Needs some refining, but here you go:I don't un-der-stand the tricks we trade for T-shirts stamped with the namesof our FAVOURITE localesmiles of coasters or shotglasses TAMPAX? imprinted with Tourism comma EVERYWHERE comma I...was....heredot DOT dotI like to send postcards-----> NO no, I like to WRITE postcardsand leave them in post offices without stampswhen You receive those 'I'm thinking of you' cardsdon't you wonder what they're thinking ABOUT you?It's safer to leave the address bookAt Homeon vacationtoo much TheraPEYOOTIC time to think about TRANSITIONS about leaving about suitcases full of folded socks and DEPO camerasI'd like to remain in transitionin remission of a stationon..... a...... rollI SAW Santa Cruz seagulls sailing overNorth Carolinianswith California license platesand I---- took MY watch OFF when I switched timezonesI'd like to remain in transitionin remissionof a stationon.... a.... roll...~*~

I guess your...

I guess your friends aren't the people who make you want to cry. Maybe that's the one lesson I missed in kindergarten. The last poetic thought of this summer was the idea of art kids kissing. Because I love art kids. Any gender, age, but especially those in their mid twenties who look ageless and lithe. Hence KIDS. You never see them kissing, though. Just standing side by side, half leaning into each other as though with cracked ribs... over-dramatized because artkids don't listen to mosh music. It's going to get really odd if I actually become friends with nice people in college. No angst. No hate-writing to hide from people ( and not-so-secretly send them in 20 years in coffin-shaped boxes). I think it's going to happen, though. I'm getting very far from all the people who've.. hurt me.. for lack of a better word..which I think is an element of fate.. you're fated to be with people who make similar choices/are similar people to you. I'm trying to conceive of the next BIG thing. And it's a hazy picture with dimmed lights and TV screens showing girls in bright colors and sparkly eyeshadows. And vegetarian food. Next up? California and the search for a patch to add to my new messenger bag.

1:34 thereabouts

This is me pretending to clean my room. This is me realizing my fascination with writing, art, and queer identity testimonials. I'm listening to Nick Drake's alt.country track, wishing I had my remote. PILES. EVERYWHERE. California in... 3 days? 2 days? Wellesley in... fewer (than before). I'm looking up at my MOMA posters when Pink Moon begins. I think I like car commercials. "Who was your first girlfriend?""You were"Things you know about should always be fictional. Things you know nothing about should be autobiographical. That doesn't change facts.Black. Eyed Dog.Gene Robertson got the vote for bishop. I remember playing JENGA with Gene and Mark when I was 6 years old at their house in Concord (or near it... unless Concord is very forest-y.. I remember the house as being surrounded by trees. Very Oakton, Great Falls..) I remember sleeping in Gene's daughter's room..the little sticker stars that glowed in the dark. I tried to stay awake until the stars faded out. Lofty ambition for a first grader. 7th grade..buying 5 stars in Old Towne and balancing with L on my trundle bed sticking them on my ceiling. I took them down...junior year? Sophomore year?I like taking pictures of people's rooms. Haven't done that enough. Gregg Araki does some of that in Nowhere. This room is really only mine for another 12 days, since I'll be in CA for 10 days. Maybe it's less than 12 days. I don't want to throw this stuff away.. (cont later