are you a loose end? (tie yourself up)

I should be more 'heartbroken' about leaving. Or more enthusiastic about going. No, I am excited. It's going to be great-- I'm bringing Brenner's cookies and... not my stereo. This will be the first time ever without my stereo going with me. I just don't see there being enough space. But reading Story of B definitely makes me hate certain things about my lifestyle. Such as the fact each article of clothing I own required its own suitcase (one suitcase of shoes, one of coats, etc.) And liking big houses and space. At Yosemite, there was this lookout-- Glacier Point-- where you can see the 'Eastern Valley', and I looked out, and instead of this fantastic forest with the rocks and all, I saw HIGHWAYS in-between GROVES. Not Forests. Groves of trees. and I went to www.ishmael.org and joined the Boston group and read about the EcoRaw tribal 5-day camping thing... I'd never understood vegans before, or even wanted to, but it made so much sense. I even experienced the feeling of WANTING to go to Eugene, Oregon and take part. When my parents said they were considering going to Singapore, it dawned on me that this was the kind of freedom from paranoia that I wanted... I could go to Oregon or Seattle or... Amsterdam... (YEAH) if I wanted. Or to Pride in Boston or DC.. Money, money would be needed. But I'm hoping to play my cards right and find a way to be west coast again next summer. Nevermind the fear of flying... So yes, I leave tomorrow. Said goodybe to Sandra and Grandma. Saw Camp. Ate my last Chipotle. Took the metro. Ate a Chesapeake Bagel Bakery sandwich. Got Brenner's cookies for the girls on Monday. Drove thru Old Town with mom one 'last time'. See, I'm jaded about this. Too used to camp. There's no one last ANYTHING, because eventually, you're always going back. And I will always be able to cite Ethan as an example of that. Or Derech Eretz. Flashbacks, friends. Nostalgia. Materialism. Found this great anthology at my Grandmother's house-- a 5th edition Introduction to Literature.. that I guess my uncle used at UVa. This textbook is INCREDIBLE.. it even has a poem by Fehrlinghetti:'Constantly risking absurdity'Constantly risking absurdityand deathwhenever he performsabove the headsof his audiencethe poet like an acrobatclimbs on rimeto a high wire of his own makingand balancing on eyebeamsabove a sea of facespaces his wayto the other side of dayperforming entrechatsand sleight-of-foot tricksand other high theatricsand all without mistakinganythingfor what it may not beFor he's the super realistwho must perforce perceivetaut truthbefore the taking of each stance or stepin his supposed advancetoward that still higher perchwhere Beauty stands and waitswith gravityto start her death-defying leapAnd hea little charleychaplin manwho may or may not catchher fair eternal formspreadeagled in the empty airof existence~*~Until... Monday/Tuesday...